As I shove Cracker, my censor, off the stage, he screams that social mores should be enough to keep my mouth shut. With knees a wobbling and spine chills, I reach the podium and whisper. I am afraid, I am afraid of you. But, I am helplessly, irresistibly attracted into your magnetic force. I must face this fear or be forever blocked. There are no rewards without risk. Perhaps as I draw nearer, I will be thrown in the metal scrap pile again. They don’t call me a master recipient of rejection for nothing.
Yet I am starved to touch and be touched. I hunger for passion and the intimacy that goes with it. So, here I am uncensored and naked. I lay before you exposed and I am at your mercy. I must leap in faith that your net will appear. I am getting out of the way to allow you to flow your magic through me. If we have these gifts, we are supposed to use them. Maybe you are shocked or offended or possibly even a little flattered. I must discover which because this has been consuming me and I must release the rumbling volcano inside. Will I erupt in joy and prove Cracker wrong or will he tell me I told you so when I am doused back into dormancy?
I crave to feel alive again. Will you play with me?
JUMP!
ReplyDeleteThe net is there and Cracker is making a complete fool of himself (I think he has a wedgie from all the contortions he's going through in fit-throwing....)
We're all here, holding the net!
And it's fun down here too.... :-)
XXOO~~
Anne
You know I'm holding up the net as best I can, have been for awhile now, and I am glad to for I know you do the same for me.
ReplyDeleteAwesome! THIS is exactly how I feel! I was on the moto today for a teenie ride and the mixture of the puffy white clouds hanging in the deep blue sky mixed with the green cornfields just all swirled in my senses and I had to scream into the wind "Give me my creativity back please!" So kick Cracker in the butt and go after it. That connection is so damned worth it.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying not to like the name Cracker as I know it's your sensor but it's such a fun name! Maybe that's what you should do. Teach old Cracker how to have some fun! Show him a good time. If he still wants to be a pain in the ass, stomp him to crumbs!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great piece of writing you have here. Your comment "master recipient of rejection". Ouch!! Do you really feel that way? If so, you must cut yourself some slack! I can't imagine why you would be rejected. You're great! That's old Cracker talking again. To the curb with him!
Play, play, play you shall.
"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." A quote from the Gnostic gospel of St. Thomas that I posted on my blog back in Feb. I truly believe that if we don't express the things within ourselves that want, so badly to be expressed, we will wither and die. Maybe not a physical death but a death none the less. When I was at a point where I hadn't done anything artistically for years, I remember saying to a friend that I finally realized my soul was sick. It was do art or wither away for good. I also believe that if we have been given a gift, whether it is in the form of creative genius or just a dash of talent at something, we have an obligation to use that gift. The great creator/universe WANTS us to be creative and productive. At least that's how I feel about it!! I am enjoying your blog and, at times, your writing reminds me of George Carlin---I hope you take that as a compliment!!!
ReplyDeleteThis one was in the incubator and told me it was ready to hatch today. Who needs a jock strap with all this support? Thank you all for catching me in my free fall. I am an experienced rejection wide receiver. George Carlin works for me.
ReplyDelete