Friday, October 28, 2011

Dreaded Dad-Daughter Talk

               It’s way past due, eleven years actually.  But, this dad has always avoided uncomfortable situations. Got to buck up and have a word with my girl before she moves 200 miles away.  Nobody wants to talk about it, nobody wants it to happen to them.  Okay sweetie, here goes.  We need to talk about flat tires.
               Get your owner’s annual out and find where your spare tire is stored.  Okay, let’s do it.  These cold, rainy days are about par for the course, but be thankful I am teaching you in the driveway instead of some dark highway in the middle of nowhere.  According to your owner’s manual, the spare should be under your hiking boots, stilettos, party dress and camping gear.  Ah, there it is.  Pull it out along with the lug nut wrench and jack.  Yes, they named lug nuts after me.  I am a big lug and nuts as you know.  It’s better than Jack don’t you think?  At least I’m not a description for poop! 
               Alright, these are lug nuts.  Use the wrench to loosen them evenly, a little with each one.  Let’s put the jack here now that the nuts are loose.  It’s going to take a little muscle to raise the car high enough to put the inflated tire on.  You’ve got the flat off the ground now, so let’s finish taking it off.  Be careful to save the nuts.  Now raise the jack a little higher so the good tire will slide onto the threaded bolts.  I know it’s rainy and miserable out here, but what are you going to do in farmland, look for warmth with cows?  You are a city girl.  Focus now.  Screw the lug nuts evenly hand tight and then tug them tighter with the wrench.  Yes, the righty-tighty maneuver.  Unwind the jack until the tire is firmly on the ground.  Tighten the lug nuts again with the wrench with all your might.  I know you’re cold and wet and miserable.  That’s what changing a tire is all about.  Just get dirtier and put the flat in your trunk with the jack and wrench.  By the way, did I mention the wrench might be a good weapon if any wild animals, human or otherwise, cross your path.  Your next move will be to a tire store.  Never drive far without a spare tire.  Yes, you can go inside now where it’s nice and warm.  Glad we had this talk.
               Alone, I realize she will most likely use her magic phone for a refresher course online instead of calling me.        


  1. Hilarious. I still need someone to give me that talk. Never had to change one yet. Its all dirty and mucky and you get man grease under your finger nails, yuck. Its probably the only time I turn Princess.

  2. I can change a tire blindfolded....I have done SO MANY!!!!
    I thought it was going to be the OTHER dreaded talk....ah-hahahaha!
    You are priceless! ;-)


  3. Sweet. You're such a good dad. Most likely if she ever gets a flat it will be...
    Step 1. get out cell phone
    Step 2. call closest cute boy to the rescue

    tee hee hee!
    Just sayin'...
    I know how to change a flat. Have since I first started driving. Strange part is, half the time I can't figure out where the stinkin' spare is any more. They tend to hide them in modern cars.

  4. Have I ditched the sad, pensive label yet? You are probably right, Nacher, if she was in the city, but she's going to some rural areas to become a road warrior. Maybe a membership in Triple-A is in order.

  5. Cute post Glenn! If you want to give her a gift that she can really use, (aside from AAA) give her a giant plastic trash bag. She can put a hole at the top and wear it as an emergency rain coat or she can use it on the ground to keep clean as she changes the tire and then put the dirty tire in it to store in her clean car. Everyone should keep a garbage sack in their emergency kit!
    Just sayin'.

  6. My dad had this talk with me----I've never had to change a tire yet! Keeping my fingers crossed---I probably just cursed myself! Now I'll be afraid to go anywhere!! I vote for AAA!

  7. Ok I have no clue where my comment went. Ha! This was a great post; great read. Great idea teaching her. I know there are areas around here where I get no cell phone signals which means no AAA or friend to the rescue. So I'm happy to hear you are preparing her well. Now tape this to her visor!