Random Stitches

Not only do clothing marketers get creative with their lack of size uniformity, they also pull the wool over our eyes with insane product names.  Pants is what my dog does after a good run.  How can one thing be plural anyway?  Generally women put on a wedding, evening, summer or night gown and they are dressed.  When I throw on my blue jean, singular intended, am I pantsed?  That word is not even in the dictionary and it happened to me once at Waikiki and it was the opposite of being clothed.  But, I digress.  Guys are supposed to have pants, shoes and shirts that are dress.  What does that have to do with the traditional cover garment of the fairer sex?  Far as I’m concerned, shoes and socks are feet prisons.  Wearing both is like double lock down.  When I have to wear them, I tie my shoes.  I knot my tie and they should just be called nooses.  Shirts have collars, so we are back to the canine age.  When was the last time you saw an athletic competition with the participants wearing sports coats?  And when did they drop “clown” from “suit”?  I get tube top and t-shirt, but I have no idea where the term tank top came from.  Neck lace makes sense, why isn’t it wrist lace?  They got the wrist part right with the timepiece many wear, but I’ve never heard of anybody having a grandfather watch.  It all seems a little cuckoo.  Sweatshirts, sweat pants and sweaters all imply over heated bodies.  When was the last time you played tennis in those sneakers?  If the mood strikes, I’d prefer not to visualize my mate with teddy or muumuu.  Who is this teddy guy?  Formal occasions demand attire of collars, cuffs, imprisoned feet, a noose and a clown suit while resisting excessive sweating, panting or getting the urge to pick up a racket.  Just random stitches that hum through the sewing machine of my mind.